Enjoy this collection of Sexist Jokes, some of these jokes will make you cry with laughter. Whether your male or female!
Enjoy!
Q: why cant ane frank drive
A: because shes a woman
A: because shes a woman
Want to hear a funny joke?
Women's Rights
Why can't women drive?
Because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, somebody already told her twice.
Q: Why did God make women?
A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes? Aw HAYELL Naw!
Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"
Q: What do you call a woman with pigtails?
A: A ******* with handlebars!
Q: How long does it take for a man to make dinner?
A: As long as it takes for him to get out the belt!
You think men have it easy? You're dead wrong, they have to work up a sweat to keep taking out the belt and putting it back in again.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Trick question, feminists can't change anything!
Q:Why does every man need a woman?
A:Because the dishes would get to piled up without one.
Question: What is the difference between a woman and a catfish?
Answer: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A jogger is running along one morning when he hears crying. He slows down and sees an armless, legless woman sitting at a table bawling. Heart heavy, he walks over and asks her what the problem is. Sniffling, she says, "I've never been hugged before.." The jogger leans over, hugs her, and smiles as he takes off. The next day the cripple is still there, crying again. The jogger slows down and asks her what the matter is this time. She leans over and wipes her snotty nose on the table and says, "I've never been kissed before.." The man leans over and lays a wet one on her cheek. He jogs off, waving bye to her smiling face. The next day, he jogs up and shes crying her eyes out yet again. The jogger runs over and asks her "what now?" The bleary-eyed woman looks up and says, "I've never been OWNED before.." The man bends over, picks her up, and chucks her into a pool and calls, "Now you're OWNED!"
Why don't women talk to men every time they're in public?
You're not supposed to tell the answer to people who experience this, dumb ass! Don't you see them with boyfriends everywhere?
Why do women not offer sex all the time?
Because there's no pay involved.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because not only do most women oppose minorities reproducing, but the government does as well. Illegal immigrant, "official customers".
How do you know women are racist?
Because there are still people who have been in Africa their whole life, called African Americans.
Why don't women talk to other customers at restaurants?
Because men aren't women, dumb ass, they ugly pieces of ****.
Why do Men like to see lesbians make Out?
A: Because then they will leave us alone and we can order Pizza!
Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?
Two less mouths that are bitching.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
-Nothing, you already told her twice.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead just bought bought a car. Which one drives it first?
None, they're all in the kitchen.
Whats does your wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend 99% of their time in your wallet
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
-Nothing, you already told her twice.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead just bought bought a car. Which one drives it first?
None, they're all in the kitchen.
Whats does your wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend 99% of their time in your wallet
Why did God make woman last?
He didn't want someone telling him what to do.
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!
Edit: So they can get a new dress for the funeral.
Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman
Edit: (WHITES-43, BLACKS-1, WOMEN 0!)
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
Edit: GET A LONGER CHAIN!.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Edit:with twins.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog, of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Edit: (Then, hit her again, then again, then again....after, rinse and repeat, always repeat..).
Wanna hear a funny joke?
I saw a woman actually out of the kitchen today.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
how many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none she can cook in the dark
What does a woman and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up B I T C H E S.
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!
Edit: So they can get a new dress for the funeral.
Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman
Edit: (WHITES-43, BLACKS-1, WOMEN 0!)
Walking the dog is relaxing.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
Edit: GET A LONGER CHAIN!.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Edit:with twins.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog, of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Edit: (Then, hit her again, then again, then again....after, rinse and repeat, always repeat..).
Wanna hear a funny joke?
I saw a woman actually out of the kitchen today.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
how many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none she can cook in the dark
What does a woman and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up B I T C H E S.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
What do you call a virgin?
Ugly
Another answer: a liar
What is the best way to respond to your wife?
Ear plugs
